I don´t know if it is the once called "american dream" or if its just my hope fading away... i know what i feel, and this year i´m seeing it happen again and again...
Sometimes there are things that happen to us, that are hard, (or just hit us hard), or things we don´t want, or know how to deal with for some reason, and some others that just hurt us. (Theres a lot of "sometimes", and "don´t know" in my mind today), but its exactly what im going through, and as sadly as it can be, i´m trying really hard to pretend even for myself, and push the thoughts away from my mind, as if im seeing it but not wanting to actually face "IT"...
So i don´t talk about it, i pretend, and im starting to think, (just starting), that maybe, i could do other things, live in another country, start from scratch somewhere else, as painful as it can be, it cant be close to as painful as living my live standing for people that hurt me, people that choose, (but not me), because i believe that theres nothing to choose from when we talk about a real friendship, like a one in million one, at least i never had to choose and not even for one moment made my friends feel that were less important or had less meaning for me, i don´t neglect parts of my life, neither of them.
Although i know that theres no way to trick myself nor ways i can flee from my own acknowledgement of where´s this is leading to.
